


for you, i'd bleed myself dry

by mothboybrainrot



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Crying, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Loneliness, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, no beta we die like tommy, sleepy bois inc are a family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27994866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothboybrainrot/pseuds/mothboybrainrot
Summary: Months after his exile, Tommy finally lets his isolation swallow him and he says goodbye finally.
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 475





	1. your tommy

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello  
> the recent streams have been giving me so much angst prompts and my heart hurts. also just as a PSA, please don't ship tommy and tubbo in this. that's gross and creepy, they are just best friends and minors who have said shipping makes them uncomfortable.
> 
> the title is a lyric from yellow by coldplay, i was listening to it on repeat while writing this.  
> the chapter names are based off the compasses tommy and tubbo have.
> 
> ! this fic is focused on suicide and suicide notes so if that stuff is triggering please don't read ahead !

Tommy’s hands shook as he reached for the ender chest in his tent. He grabbed his empty notebook and grabbed a pen from under his pillow. He packed his backpack with his important things, his disc and his compass, and his novel and pen. He grabbed Wilbur’s old jacket he had given him and walked away from his tent.

He walked down into Logsted, Mooshroom Henry picked up his head at his footsteps. Tommy kneeled down and patted his head, one last time. He got back up and gave him a weak smile. “I’ll be back soon Henry, don’t worry” He bit the inside of his mouth as he exited Logsted.

Tommy’s stomach felt uneasy as stood in front of the large purple portal, he did one last check to see if anyone was around him.

No one. Only him.

He sighed and stood into the portal, he waited as the world warped around him and the portal transported him. He took a step out of the portal and slightly stumbled, once he balanced himself he looked around. The heat of the lava and the smell of fire didn’t bother him anymore. He walked over to one of the bridges leading across the lava, he took off his bag and jacket then sat down on the edge. He took out his empty notebook and pen and started writing.

_ “Dear Philza”  _ He started the book off

_ “Hey Dad. Do you remember me? It’s Tommy, your youngest son. I hope you and Techno are well. I miss you.”  _ Tears gently fell onto the pages, the boy just sniffled in defeat.  _ “Have you spoken to Wilbur? I miss him. I haven’t seen him in a long time. I miss being with you and my brothers. I hope one day I can see you and get a hug again. I wish I was a better son. I’m sorry. Goodbye” _

Tommy wiped his eyes with his sleeves and started writing on the second page.

“ _ Dear..”  _ Tommy struggled to think of who to write for. He felt the need to write to more people but only two came to mind. Dad and…

_ “Tubbo”  _ He slowly wrote down the name, he stared at the name and felt his heart ache. “ _ Hey man” he lifted his pen to read it then quickly scribbled it out.  _

_ “Tubbo I miss you so fucking much, I’m sorry I never listened to you. I’m sorry I was a bad friend. For a long time I was angry at you, I was so angry at everyone. I never thought about my actions and I just hurt you in the long run. I miss L’manberg. I miss how things used to be. I now understand why you got rid of me. I was an inconvenience to everyone and I ruined everyone’s life. I was an asshole who took everything for granted. I caused problems for everyone yet you were always by my side. I wish this wasn’t a goodbye but it has to be, I have to pay for my actions. Tubbo you’re the most important thing in my life, the discs mean nothing to me when it comes to being your friend. Your best friend, if you even still consider me one of those. I know I consider you one, you’re like a brother to me. You’re like Wilbur and Techno.” Tommy huffed out a shaky breath as he wrote his final line. _

_ “I love you Tubbo, stay safe. Do me one last favor and make L’manberg the best place it can be. Goodbye” _

Tears soaked Tommy’s face and parts of the pages, he closed the book and turned around. He faces his belongings and sets things up. He pulls out his discs and compass one last time, he runs his fingers over the small discs. He smiled even with tears in his eyes, he could only think of Tubbo. He picked up the compass and held it in his hands, it pointed towards the portal. He hung the compass around his neck, he had turned it into a necklace a few days after he got it. He stuffed the discs back in his bag then placed the notebook and pen inside. He closed the bag then picked up Wilbur’s jacket, he held it close to him. He felt like he was hugging his brother again, his breathing started to speed up as he began to sob into the jacket. After a few minutes, he was able to pull himself away from his brother’s jacket. He gently sat it down next to the bag and stood at the edge of the bridge.

He stood here a few months ago, he was staring down at the lava the same way he was now. The only difference was Dream wasn’t here to get him away from the edge. Tommy held onto his breath as he stared into the lava, he didn’t know why he was hesitating. He already said goodbye.

He turned his back away from the lava and exhaled.

He let himself fall.

His eyes stared at the bag and jacket as he fell quicker and quicker.

He closed his eyes and saw his family all together. Smiling at him. But most importantly, he saw his best friend.

“Tubbo” He whispered his name one last time.

_ TommyInnit tried to swim in lava _


	2. your tubbo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo goes to the Nether the morning after Tommy took his leap of faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone!!  
> I apologize this took me so long to get out but Tubbo's pov is finally here. I decided I'm just going to have Tubbo's pov and not add Philza's because it just works better in my opinion. Also I really appreciate the lovely comments I've been getting, they make me smile a lot :,)  
> I hope y'all enjoy this

“Do we need anything from the nether you think?” Tubbo thoroughly checked the chests around them. Fundy scratches his ears and stretches, Tubbo felt a bit bad for waking him up so early. “I don’t think so but maybe we need glass from the ocean monument” Niki spoke up and got off the log she was sitting on. Tubbo nodded gently and reached into his inventory, he looked at the compass and smiled. 

“Does anyone have food? I’m quite low” Fundy mumbled. Niki walked over to him and handed him a few cooked pork chops, he thanked her quietly. “Shall we go now?” Tubbo looked at his two friends and they nodded. They took their time walking to the portal, it was still fairly early so no one else was awake. The slight wind made it cold enough to make Niki and Tubbo’s face pink, however Fundy’s fur protected him. Tubbo quietly walked in front of his friends as they chatted about the plans for the day, he looked around at all the buildings they went past. His mind drifted to his best friend, it had been roughly 7 months since he was exiled. He wondered how he was coping, he had heard from Ghostbur that him and Dream had become friends. He hasn’t seen Ghostbur in a while since he told him that but it didn’t bother him too much. 

He smiled fondly as he approached the portal, he wondered if his friend would mind if they visited him for a short while. They all stepped into the portal finally and watched the world around them change. Tubbo was the first to step out, the heat instantly hit his face. It made him scrunch up his face but he slowly got used to the heat. “Niki come help look through these chests real quick” Fundy bends over and opens one of them. As she helps the fox, Tubbo wanders off to look at the mysterious pile that caught his eye. 

He knelt down and reached out to grab the jacket, he froze when he recognized the jacket. He didn’t know Ghostbur still had his jacket, well more so, Wilbur’s jacket. He hoisted it up and noticed the backpack underneath, his eyebrows furrowed. He put the jacket to his side and opened the bag. There was a book and two music discs. The two discs he could recognize from a mile away. Still confused as to why his best friend’s stuff was just  _ sitting  _ there, he opened the book. 

He scanned through the first few pages and his stomach dropped. He unsteadily sat down cross legged and flipped the page. It felt like a sword had been rammed through his body as he read as fast as he could. 

_ I love you Tubbo. Stay Safe. _

Memories of the last time Tommy ever said that to him replayed in his head. It was just before the elections, they were sitting at the bench listening to one of Tommy’s discs. 

The reality of the situation caught up to Tubbo in a heartbeat and the young boy choked on a broken sob. The book fell out of his lap, he wrapped his arms around himself in a desperate attempt to control his tears. More memories of Tommy flashed behind his closed eyes. The Disc War. Forming L’manberg. All the laughs they shared. His heart stung more and more as he saw his best friend smile so brightly at him in his memories. When he opened his eyes, all he saw was his belongings and lava. He pulled his knees up to his chest and sobbed more.

“Tubbo?” Niki and Fundy appeared behind the boy and it made him jump. He turned to face them and Niki gasped at his flushed wet face. He sat down neck to him and tried to comfort him, Fundy walked around them and scanned over the items. A few words caught his eyes and he looked at Niki with wide eyes, she silently nodded and continued to hold Tubbo. Niki gently rocked Tubbo as he sobbed, Fundy gathered Tommy’s belongings and put them back in the bag. 

The pain in Tubbo’s chest became unbearable, his eyelids fluttered and he felt dizzy. Everything went black so suddenly and he felt empty. Niki gently placed a kiss on his forehead and lifted his unconscious body up. Fundy picked up the bag and Wilbur’s jacket and they walked back to the portal.

Behind his closed eyes, Tubbo’s memories replayed again and again. Him and Tommy being by each other’s side. Both happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, i'm sorry this was so short


End file.
